My friends and I accepted a one year break challenge given by Andy Stanley. For one year, step away from all romantic pursuits for one year. WHYYY?? A year is so long!!! Well, the problem with me at the time was that I was looking for a perfect romantic partner. I fantasized and made mental notes and actual written list of traits, physical characteristics, etc. of my “ideal” spouse! Oh, boy.
Here was my “Perfect Man” list(s):
I had 3 separate lists. Many items differed but similarities included:
– loves God and has a personal relationship with Him
– has a nice family
– trustworthy
– is funny
– handsome by my standards
– takes care of his body, preferably lean buff (can pick me up. with ease.)
– preferably taller than me (but not a deal breaker if he’s shorter)
– is clean
– wears clothes that look good on him but isn’t concerned with style
– musically talented
– sporty is a plus
– etc. etc. etc.
(my longest list being 45 items long) -_____________-
silly, I know. but still.. how many do you have? hahaha and did you have a list?… how many do i have on your checklist?
I was 100% certain my man would have every. single. trait. and if he didn’t have one, deal would be off. OFF! I could put my faith in God to deliver Mr. Perfect Everything to me. And for a looong time, I really did believe this. I was convinced. And you wouldn’t believe what an evil little stuck up bratty little girl I was. Let me tell you, here.
But I made all these crazy lists for what? Why?? Because I’m this perfect person who deserves a perfect spouse?? Who was I to assume that about myself?? Conceited is what I was! (and probably still am.. but to a lesser degree) I was a conceited dreamer with my head wayyy up in the sky thinking a perfect man would obviously see and choose me because I’m clearly a perfect bride.
How silly, young, and naive.
Sooo, the purpose of this one year break is to work on my self, baby. To be the right person for you, the right person for me.
What even got me started on this “the list is everything” mindset was this.
A Missionary’s Love Story
She had always been the pretty girl who all the boys had wanted to date. Getting ripe for marriage, her pastor kept introducing her to different men, all of whom she had no interest in — partly because she just had no interest in dating at all at the time. After some time had passed, she figured she could casually scout around which is when she started praying to God and came up with a list of 48 different traits her future husband must have.
Officially in the dating game, she wound up with a few serious boyfriends — most of which checked off the majority of her boxes. Yet, no one checked all of them off. Never satisfied, she broke off those relationships and kept waiting. She had even come across one man who checked off every single box except one and considered for a moment if she should get married to that fellow, but in the end decided against it.
Feeling more and more hopeless, she went on a mission trip to clear her mind and find herself more firmly in God. On that trip, unexpectedly, was one of the men her pastor had introduced her to. She didn’t remember much about him except that they didn’t click so she thought nothing of him and each did the work they went there to do.
Fast forward and they keep running into each other in different countries and back at home. So much so that she couldn’t help but start looking him up and down and asking about him nonchalantly to her friends. To her satisfaction, he was single and superficially checked off several of the items on her 48 item list.
Fast forward again and they begin dating which is when she finds out he checked every single one of her boxes off and they got married.
Lame anticlimactic ending, huh. sorry.
But point is, all my friends and I who were sitting around her that night bought into the idea that we could make a list — however long — and God would pick the perfect man for us and bring him to us as long as we were being patient.
Trouble with this way of thinking is that I believe I was setting myself up for failure and, unfortunately, would have become more and more pessimistic. I was out here looking for the perfect person who will come into my life and be the missing puzzle piece to my “happily ever afters” only to find out that they don’t actually exist. I would have gotten more and more frustrated all because there’s no way in hell I would ever settle. This concept is explained in much greater detail and explanation in Andy Stanley’s New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. Here’s what I thought of it.
Now I’m not saying that every girl who makes a list is setting herself up for failure and finding that perfect man who checks the boxes doesn’t exist, but I realized I had to be more realistic in my search for you. Because I’m sure my list will fly out the window and somethings I swore I would never be okay with will be absolutely acceptable if it comes with you, baby.
To wrap up this first letter, my year ends in September. More precisely, the 11th of September 2020. How ominous. Thankfully I’m not superstitious. By September, I will *fingers crossed* have grown from a young lady to a woman worthy to be called yours, babylove. Maybe I should tell you my plans of what I hope to change.. In my next letter. Love you.
Love,
Yours soon forever.
Lord,
This year should be all about you and not me. Let me see who you are and change me from within to simply reflect you. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. I am claiming your promise and trust in your will for my life. Whatever you give me and whatever you don’t, thank you.
In Jesus’ precious name I pray,
Amen.